I mean Wow.
That cat must really be doing a number on my psyche. I can’t believe Cindy went backsies on my Lazy-boy chair, although I completely understand why. It’s called “lazy” and how much lazier can you get then Conduit? That is why I have to finally Get Rid of Conduit. Cindy is encouraging an atmosphere of laziness for this cat, when it should really be learning how to be useful. I mean isn’t it bad enough that Conduit is an alcoholic, now he is becoming addicted to laziness too? I am glad I was able to change the lock on the garage, because Conduit was sneaking in and drinking all my beers. That is really why Conduit must go, and this holiday season he will not be coming ho ho home! Haha! It is too bad Cindy didn’t appreciate the wisdom behind scotch-taping Conduit’s paws, how else can we stop him from drinking so many of my beers? Oh, and that laughter Cindy mentioned when I was biting my cheeks? It was laughter of joy, at saving Conduit from himself! Sheesh, and she really believes I don’t care about him? I mean, if the police came to our home in response to a drunk cat tip, I wouldn’t have to worry about How to Get Rid of Conduit. They would take him away themselves!
Although, I am getting a great idea to both help and get rid of Conduit. For the holidays, Cindy ordered some boring books for me. I think what I will do is take the left over scotch tape from Conduit’s paws and use it to tape him in a UPS box. I will then ship Conduit to a family far away, with lots of mice, in honor of the New Year, and he will also get some much needed rehabilitation. Maybe after a few months away from my garage and my beer he will finally improve. Happy and healthy New Year Conduit! Muaha aha…
#Mike the Excellent Cat-watcher
Happy New Year!!