Conduit + Cindy + Sun + Cocktails = F U N

Sun block, bikini for me and shimmery designer swimsuit for Conduit, passports, extra dollars for cocktails and massages… We are ready to GO! As for Mike.. blah blah blah. Whatever Mike, Conduit and I are going to have a whale of a time on our vacation and we don’t care about you licking Conduit’s cat food spoon, (which actually means that you are lying about eating Conduit’s food, but who cares) and we also don’t care if you book a ticket. I have hidden all the brochures and the itinerary of our trip well out of Mike’s reach so he will have no idea where we will be. Egypt is big and with his terrible sense of direction chances are that Mike will find himself in Libya or Sudan while we are soaking up the sun, sipping on cocktails and getting massages.

conduit on the beach?
Of course they will worship Conduit in Egypt and who knows, he might stay to be worshipped and fanned down with palm leaves and have delicious slivers of chicken livers carried to him on golden trays by beautiful Egyptian handmaidens. The only friends Conduit will be making are lady kitty friends impressed with his good looks and cool cat attitude. http://www.jokeroo.com/pictures/funny/1154956.html. This is exactly the kind of life the most amazing cat in the world deserves.

On a serious note.. if Mike actually does come to Egypt to find us, he had better hope it’s not in a pyramid where we can ‘lose him’ in a dark passageway. Get rid of Conduit? How about we change this blog to Get rid of Mike!?

Dear Mike, my spoon-licking, cat-hating husband. It is best you leave your bags unpacked and stay at home. I am having the materials and plans for Conduit’s fancy new cat run delivered and I think it is a fantastic idea for you to start building it. It will help you get rid of that unattractive beer belly you’ve developed and keep you out of Conduit’s treats!

#Cindy_looking_forward_to_fun_in_the_sun (and a trimmed down husband!)

Beware Conduit? We’ll see About That!

Flying to vacation with ConduitChicken soup? Dear Mike, I haven’t cooked chicken soup in years. While you were so consumed by wicked thoughts about ways to get rid of Conduit you obviously didn’t notice what you were eating. 
Now, I could be wrong… but I’d bet my bottom dollar that what Mike was eating was some of Conduit’s Purina Fancy Feast, probably his Sliced Chicken Hearts and Liver Feast in Gravy (http://www.fancyfeast.com/gourmet-cat-products/wet-cat-food/sliced/chicken-hearts-liver-feast-in-gravy). Look familiar? Yummy! Now I know why the pet food bill has gone up the past few weeks. Well, it is top rated gourmet cat food and if it is good enough for my Conduit, it has to be delicious, so go for it Mike – I am 100% behind your new eating regime.
Mike’s new diet will also help us save some much needed pocket money for my upcoming vacation with Conduit. Yes, I have decided to take matters into my own hands so Mike no longer has to figure out sneaky plans to get rid of Conduit. I am going to remove Conduit (and me!) from the house for a nice long vacation. Our plans are coming together nicely:
• Pet passport – CHECK
• Person passport – CHECK
• New matching designer vacation outfits for Conduit and I- CHECK


As soon as I can get my annual leave approved, we are hopping on a plane and out of here. Conduit and I are thinking Egypt – at least one place in the world where people know how to treat cats. Did you know that in Egypt killing a cat, even by accident, resulted in the death penalty? Don’t worry Mike… I’ll make sure the pantry is stocked with Purina so you won’t starve while Conduit and I are having fun in the hot African sun.

#Cindy_and_Conduit_Almost_Saying_au_Revoir

In this week’s blog post, beware Conduit the Cat!

Wow. What a post by Cindy. All I can say is, this Cat has claws. I actually kind of like the idea of Conduit in Outer Mongolia, or maybe send him to Siberia. I guess we will then see how refined he really is, or should I say, re-felined. All we need is Conduit in Mongolia with Cindy and let us see how charming he really is. Away from his fancy bowl, which I have definitely never eater from. Yuck! I can’t believe Cindy would actually suggest that I am eating out of Conduit’s bowl! Especially when it is him eating out of mine! Every time I have Chicken Soup, Conduit waits and watches from his Lazy Boy chair until I get up for a beer run to the kitchen. When I come back, I usually find claw marks by my placemat and the chicken from the chicken soup gone. Cindy thinks I’m nuts for accusing Conduit, but then why does he mysteriously have a chicken bone in his paws? This is why Conduit must really go. When a man can’t have chicken in his chicken soup, his very manliness is at steak- I mean stake. See, Conduit has already gotten me worried about holding on to my meat, the staple food of any real man’s diet. I am a man, and not a mouse. Although I feel like a mouse with Conduit watching my every move. We must get rid of Conduit to protect Chicken Soup within our home, and the sanctity of manliness. Watch out Conduit, things are about to Cat-nip you in the behind!

#ManlyMikeWillPrevail/

 

 

Get rid of Conduit

Getting Rid of Conduit Won’t Be Easy, Darling

Mike thinks he’s got me on the run with his ideas on how to remove Conduit from my life. Doesn’t he understand that an exotic
vacation is EXACTLY what Conduit and I need… A vacation away from him that is. We don’t care if it’s Alaska, Moscow or Outer Mongolia, for that matter!
Image
So yes, Mike, I HAVE been taking your reason, logic and analytical thinking to heart and am sitting here with Conduit on the lazy boy chair leafing through travel magazines and applying for Conduit’s Pet Passport. You may think it’s going to be easy to get rid of Conduit – but Mike, dearest, it’s time to put on your big boy pants now and stop playing in the kitty litter.

Conduit has the most highly developed set of social skills on the planet. In fact his social, graces are continually putting Mike’s in the shade (probably why he gets so snippy about this sort of thing). My precious feline doesn’t need to ‘get out’ to be able to enjoy life – it’s Mike who needs to go to charm school!
It’s almost as if Mike has some kind of a mental block when it comes to trying so hard to get rid of Conduit. I’ll give you an example…

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