How to Get Rid of Conduit! Or… Have You Ever Heard about A Cat with A Beer Belly?

How to get rid of Conduit?

He’s crazy I tell ya

How to get rid of Conduit…I could send him up into the sky by accident with a whole bunch of helium balloons, and tie his paws so those pesky sharp nails don’t cut him loose. Or I could just borrow my friend’s dog and scare the…Cat out of him. Maybe Conduit will be gone once I get out of bed? What a great dream, too bad it wasn’t real…yet. Anyway, I see Cindy thinks I am a silly man and wants to get rid of me? Go for long walks on the beach with fancy crystal leashes with Conduit, while she has “gotten rid” of ME for a week? I think not! I also doubt a week away from that feline fatso will change my opinion of that household terror. What’s orange and furry and on its way out the door? You got it, Conduit the Cat, haha! Obviously about the garage Cindy and I share it, but since she has practically moved in with Conduit, and pushed me out, I need some place to go that is Conduit free. I hope she knows that he smells like sweaty socks, and I am starting to worry about that funny smell that I know is definitely only coming from him. I think Cindy is starting to view Conduit as if he was our baby, dressing him up in little onesies and t-shirts like “Hello Kitty”. She thinks I am bringing beers into the garage and that I am gaining weight from them, but I know Conduit is an alcoholic, and is really sneaking some beers from the garage and somehow mixing them with his milk in the mornings. After every few sips I could swear I hear a loud belch! I suspect something is up. That is why Conduit must go; we must get rid of conduit because it is not normal for a cat to be guzzling down beers in the morning. Cindy thinks I am not using my head, but if her cat-love is so blind that she can’t notice that Conduit is the one with the beer belly, than that is just another reason that Conduit must go.

#MikeAgainstAnythingThatMeows

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