Meow! That darn Conduit has come into the garage again, trying to make it his new Olympic-sized litter box, no doubt. So Cindy thinks I have FAS (Feline Aversion Syndrome), huh? Well I think she has CC (Conduit Cat Syndrome. Yea, I said it. It’s this infectious little furry thing that before you know it is all over you, in your house and even like, glued to your wife. Hah! She thinks I don’t make any sense? So I guess” slfoasfjoas” doesn’t mean “Conduit” in gibberish then.
Anyway, on to happier topics…like how to get rid of Conduit. So now Conduit the cat has a place at the table, next to the main man Mike. Might as well get a little cat crown for Conduit. Last week he actually put his tail into my cream of mushroom soup and as it swished across my face, left me with a sort of mushroom soup mustache. I did not think it was very “distinguished”. Cindy made a wonderful steak which I soon learned was to be split between Conduit and I, fifty-fifty. Like that’s fair? I had to fill up on bread, and am starting to lose a bit of weight. That is why Conduit must go! See, being a bodybuilder like I am, requires a certain amount of protein. I recently started lifting weights…one..two…like that, in my new gym- the garage. This room was chosen because it did not yet have cat hair over everything. As I was lifting like, a ridiculous amount of weight, Conduit comes in, jumps on top of me, leans in really close to my ear, (I mean I could feel the breath of his recent Organic steak meal on my face), and he goes “Reooooow! I got so scared- I mean surprised (I don’t get scared) I almost dropped the massive barbells I was pressing, and honestly, almost died. I knew it would come to this, getting rid of Conduit or my health. And that is why Conduit must go. We must get rid of Conduit because my health depends on it. First the organic steak, then sneaking and jumping on me in the gym. I wish it could be any other way (yea right 😉 ), but Conduit must be removed from the house. See ya later fuzzball.